I've been in a period of self-loathing lately. You know, feeling like you have nothing to offer. I've been feeling like I have nothing to write about. I've been really upset because of my financial state. I owe a few hundred dollars here and there and when you don't have any money (or a decent job) a few hundred dollars here and there seems like A LOT. So for that past three months, I've been silently worrying about what I would do about it while simultaneously spending little bits of money here and there on some of the stupidest shit. Excuse my language, but that's exactly what it is. Do I really need that belt? Do I really need that comic book? Do I really need that pin shaped like a bicycle? The answer is no.
To top it all off, my car recently broke down. I spent the entire day wallowing in self pity. Oh woe is me! Whatever will I do? Whine, cry, whine, cry. Oh, I'm so irresponsible. If I hadn't bought that toy for my cat, I could have put that money away to save for a rainy day, just like this.
My job hasn't really been all that great either. I work at a corporate restaurant as a server (for those of you who don't know) and you really have to be motivated to make money. I am not. I dislike my job so much that when they tell me to go home without making any money that day, I say okay. Being fully aware of the horrible financial state I am in.
I have spent the last couple of days looking for a new job. One that will take me away from the horrible corporate restaurant. So far I've gotten nowhere. BUT, this isn't a rant about how terrible my life is. This isn't one of those things where at the end I type FML and await comments from the few people reading this saying, "Cheer up, Megan! You can do it!" After all, the title of this blog is It's funny what makes you smile. I'm pretty sure so far, none of this has made anyone smile.
Ok, ok to the point. I spent all of yesterday being a girl and crying about my car and my money, because I didn't know what else to do. My sweet, wonderful boyfriend came over last night and tried his hardest to make me feel better, but I wasn't budging. Then today, I walked to the Public Library to fill out an application at the request of a wonderful friend who works there.
The walk took me about an hour. I was sweaty. I was hot. My feet hurt. Halfway through the walk, I was miserable.
I was about ready to text my boyfriend, who, I knew, was busy, and tell him to come and pick me up. Just then, I saw an old man. He was walking down the sidewalk, with a noticeable limp and only had one arm. He was looking up at the sky, then slowly looked down at me as he walked towards me. I quickly looked away, with the sour look on my face that had only gotten worse with each step I took. I looked back at him just as we passed each other and he was still looking at me. He had a giant smile on his face and, without stopping, simply said "Smile!"
I walked passed him, didn't look back, but had the most gigantic smile on my face. The rest of the walk was great. I realized what a beautiful day it was. Instead of being upset at how hot and sweaty I was, I was happy that I was able (due to extenuating circumstances) to have this opportunity to take a nice long walk and enjoy the day.
So, basically, an old man with a limp and only one arm made me realize how lucky I was and that I should appreciate the things in my life, by simply saying smile. So, at the risk of sounding cheesy I say, to you, dear reader, SMILE! :)