Thursday, November 15, 2012


Hey everyone!  Here's a self loathing blog post about how I consistently date the same person all of the time.  But I figure with tumblr being the new thing, no one reads blogspot anymore anyway, amirite?
GREAT.  Let me just preface this by saying I'm drunk right now.  And I'm sad.  I've been sad for awhile.  But I've been repressing that sadness because I tuck it away.  I tuck it away into a place that it's safe until my current boyfriend says elbow the wrong way and then I can't help but let my feels explode everywhere.
Okay, so I said I date the same person all of the time.  That person is *drum roll please* someone who doesn't like me! TA-DA!  I know what you're thinking.  You're probably like, why are you dating people that don't like you?  You see, what had happened was... I don't know.  There are like normal relationships where the people are so ridiculously happy that it makes everyone else sick even if you are in a fantastic relationship.  That's generally considered the honeymoon phase.  And boy oh boy, does this phase sweep me off my feet.  I mean, I am ALWAYS seriously convinced that the dude I am with is going to be THEE guy.  And then, the phase ends.  And it's about six months into the relationship and for some ungodly reason, that's enough time to not break up... WUT.  Yeah, six months apparently is a good amount of time to spend with someone to build a deep connection and then NOT break up with them when they start acting like an asshole.  Or in my case, they start acting like they just don't like you.  I guess asshole would've been fine but whatever.
And I'm not talking about falling out of love or something.  I'm talking like these dudes act like I am some girl they just met and really want nothing to do with.  The difference?  WE'VE BEEN DATING FOR SIX MONTHS AND WE STILL GO HOME TOGETHER.  And then six months turns into two years and before you know you're like ... WUT.
I know what you're thinking.  You're like, what's wrong with you?  Respect yourself! I know, riiiiiiiiight.  I mean seriously, that's it.  What the hell is wrong with you?  This person sounds like a douche bag...
But he's not a douche bag!
How is he not a douche bag?
He, uh... well, when we're together, it's awesome!
Oh really?  Like when we're together, he isn't mean, he doesn't hit, he would never insult me.
Girl, get real.  He's already doing that.  And when he's not, he's not because he's trying to get what he wants.

But you're not wrong.  And I know you're not.  So why do I keep dating people that after two years I come out and say "You just don't like me"?  Who fucking knows.  Only I know.  And I'm keeping it such a secret that I can't even find it in my fucked up brain.
Did I forget to mention that I am drunk right now?  Because I am.  In case you missed that.  I'm drunk.  And tomorrow morning, I'm still going to be dating this guy.  This guy that I think doesn't like me.  I'll still keep dating him.  Because even though I say I CAN BE MISERABLE BY MYSELF, I DON'T NEED HIM TO MAKE ME MISERABLE ... I mean, let's be real ... misery fucking LOOOOOOOOOOVES company.  Even if the company doesn't like them too much, amirite?


Sunday, February 26, 2012

love, that is.

love, that is.

And so it was.  Love, that is.  That’s what they were in.  Love.  There were opportunities calling out for him but he opted to stay with love.  There weren’t any opportunities for her.  She wondered what she would have done had he not come back for her. 
Marry another? 
Become an old maid? 
There was no need to think of it.  He was there and that’s all that mattered.
He never wondered what his life would have been like had he decided otherwise.  He only wanted his life with her. 
His love, his life, his family, his heart. 
All with her. 
Together, they had three boys.  They bought a house, then sold it.  They built a house and sold that.  They bought another house and sold it.  And finally they moved into the house they would grow old together in.  The house his parents grew old together in.
He still lived for her.  She grew older and couldn’t get around much.  He never complained.  They were a team!  That’s what happens in life!  Oh, and what a life it was, he would exclaim! 
They grew older and older together until she got sick.  He stayed by her side and he held her hand.  He listened to her when she told him she was scared.  He listened to her when she picked out her last outfit.  And then he listened to her last breaths.  She was gone. 
All of his life was meant for her. 
His love, his life, his heart. 
All for her. 
He lived his last days asking for her.  Asking what she thought about all of this.  Asking if she would be coming in to see him.  Then he was gone.  And now, for all we know, he is with her again.